The year is 1370, and there was a guy named John.

The year is 1370, and there was a guy named John.

Okay, well there were probably a lot of John’s back then, but the one specifically we’re taking a snapshot of here is John Saundirson.

Now, John had a problem.

Well, more accurately, his wife Tedia Lambhird had the problem....

She took umbrage at the fact he could not, or would not, perform in the bedchamber.

This was a big deal back then.

In those days, impotence meant you could not father a child.

The entire purpose of marriage, was to produce offspring.

While everyone back then was just as lusty and bawdy as now, the idea of “having fun” in the bedchambers was not something the pious allowed.

Being unable to make offspring meant the marriage was 'insufficient', and that alone was warrant enough to allow for divorce.

So what did Tedia do?

Tedia filed against poor John and took him, and his flaccid member, to trial.

But....in order to win the divorce proceedings, she needed proof.

Just to claim impotence wasn’t enough, she had to prove he wasn’t “manly enough” to give her what she needed.

Enter Tedia's witness, Thomas.

Thomas testified to the church court, that he was privy to knowledge about John’s poor pizzle.

He said he saw Tedia and John trying to make whoopie in a barn, one fine spring morning.

Though they seemed to apply themselves with great zeal, their act of “carnal intercourse” wasn’t doing the trick.

“John’s rod was lowered and in no way rising or becoming erect,” he stated in court records.

Now, this is getting a bit weird....

While Thomas was watching Tedia trying to get a rise out of John, Thomas' brother turned up and proceeded to watch too.

Exasperated at the lack of any full on naughty stuff going on, the brother went and tried to get a reaction from John, and went up to him and stroked his Mickey!!

Three women were charged with doing a physical examination of John, and reported back to the court:

"the member of the said John is like an empty intestine of mottled skin and it does not have any flesh in it, nor veins in the skin, and the middle of its front is totally black.

I stroked it with my hands amd thus been stroked in that private place, it neither expanded nor grew".

Needless to say, Tedia won the case as witnesses could attest to the husband’s lack of a woody!